Musings About Forgiveness and Movement

This document was written a while ago, but in compiling some poetry today I found it and thought it was still really relevant to the ideas of shadow work, forgiveness and cycling. At the end you will notice initials that are a pseudo-name that I often used when writing in the past.

At some point it seems if we chose to we work past, fear, regret, anger, frustration, and the feelings that have been neglected by others and into a new space and time in which we can see new doors opening. It is within these new doors that we begin to understand the temporary discomfort, the losses suffered have in fact left us with far more immesurable gains. These gains are the gifts of the goddess, lessons in which we learn and move forward or chose to stay stagnant and transfixed.

 

I am glad I am not one such as feels the need to stay forever roaming the landscapes of loss, but instead truly embrace the magick that is forgivness, selflessness, and understanding. There comes a time when you can see that what you have experienced no matter how difficult has served you a greater purpose. That purpose is sometimes a direct link to you and other times a completely separate circumstance, but you begin to realize that we continuously exchange paths with one another, learning what it is we need to learn from one another and then moving on to a new way. Sadly if we do not learn we are destined to repeat the same circle again and again. But if we do learn, if we do move forward, if we do embrace the larger picture, then we start to grow.

I have had many such experiences over the years, and more recently in what seems to be high speed, but it is all the same. I sat recently and looked upon new pictures of old friends and people I had known and realized that it did not matter to me what they did, I could no longer feel the old pains that I had once clung to but instead I was truly happy for them. Each and every one of them had found their place, or maybe they were continuing down the same spiral, but for each of them they were where they most need to be.

That seem to me the greatest gift of all, for in realizing that we all come to the place we “need” I also realized that I am where I am most needed. I am exactly where and what “I need” for me right now, and though that will change many times more, I am grateful for the time I spent and the lessons I was shone with each of them. I can only hope they have grown as much from their experience with me.

Part of that growth means I need not ever know if they have truly broken their own cycles or even if they have found the larger purpose in all that we experienced together. I will never know if they loved me, hated me, made stories up about me, or even care to follow my life. What I do know is that for me none of this matters anymore. I have broken the cycle and I have learned. I have set myself on a new path. Most of all I have found love and happiness for their prosperities, so it matters not if they feel the same.

Healing is a wondrous thing in this way. For should our paths ever cross again I know that, with sincerity I can smile upon them and wish them well and never again feel the thorns or pain scratching at my skin. I know for me I will never look on their faces again, I shall never seek out information on them, nor care to listen to stories of them. I shall never desire to rejoin them or to conjure old bonds. I will honor their memory and rekindle the fun times, and beyond this I will turn and walk the way that leads me closer to the goddess and turn my back to ways that lead me from her.

Kat      9:14 pm 7/25/06

 

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